abhoth | ( menu )

On the day of the first trial, everyone will receive a sleek, laminated booklet aptly labeled as MENU on its front page. Upon opening it, they'll be greeted to the usual contents. Drinks, appetizers, desserts, and side dishes are all edible items that can be ordered from one of the featureless, tall men that tend to the motel. Oddly enough, however, the primary dishes are featured on the very last section of the menu.

Even more oddly, the featureless men will shake their head if asked for any of these dishes. Strange, isn't it?

But don't worry. The answer will become clear soon enough.

They're roles.

THE ATHLETE:
A ham and cheese sub, slathered with a healthy serving of sweat. Served with curly fries, melted cheddar cheese, and a complimentary fried bat. Perfect meal for the young ones.

( The Athlete | Weapon: Wooden baseball bat )

THE AUTHOR:
Our scrumptious chicken noodle soup. Served with garlic bread and aged Parmesan bread. You won't be able to stop eating until you're left with no choice but to regurgitate your soul. Enjoy.

( The Author | Item: Invisible ink pen )

THE BEAUTICIAN:
You must try our traditional Mole Sauce. Hot chiles, hair clippings and rich chocolate make this authentic mole sauce perfect for topping stewed meats, enchiladas, or poor self esteem.

( The Beautician | Weapon: Scissors )

THE BALLERINA:
A lettuce and tomato salad, mixed with cracked nuts, dried cranberries, and a vinaigrette. It is every young, budding artist's swan song.

( The Ballerina | Item: Nutcracker )

THE BOMBER:
A spicy, crispy fried chicken served with three different dipping sauces of your choice. All those who devour it will be devoured in turn.

( The Bomber | Skill: If chosen for murder, they will take their killer out as well. )

THE BOOTLEGGER:
Smooth, creamy mashed potatoes with a hint of an illicit taste. Once you have the first bite, you'll come back every week for more.

( The Bootlegger | Skill: Can "smuggle in" an illegal item. )

THE BOUNTY HUNTER:
A delicious, traditional bowl of grits, seasoned to taste with the tears of the innocent and a dark, tragic backstory. You'll want to spread the word to all your friends and take them down with you on this culinary journey.

( The Bounty Hunter | Weapon: Shotgun )

THE CARPENTER:
Our newest VEGAN only meal! This is the latest trend from the west from an ancient line of hipsters. Full of rich greens and proper wood chippings, you'll find only a dash of entitlement in this dish.

( The Carpenter | Weapon: Nailgun )

THE CHEF:
The cook's special. Do not ask what it is. Do not ask for its price. You do not wish to know.

( The Chef | Weapon: Metal meat tenderizer )

THE CONVICT:
No door nor opportunity will go unopened once you take a spoonful of our chili. Served with extra cheese, farm grown human meat, and blue corn tortilla chips.

( The Convict | Item: Skeleton Key )

THE COP:
Don't hesitate with this donut burger! Made with fresh ingredients and the heartiest of fats, you'll be sent to an early grave with this Big Belly Diner signature dish.

( The Cop | Weapon: Truncheon )

THE COPYCAT:
A dull, flavorless dish with infinite potential. May be seasoned to taste but do be warned: once seasoning has been added, it cannot go back to its original shape.

( The Copycat | Skill: Can copy another skill, weapon, or item from someone else but can not switch afterwards. )

THE DOCTOR:
As the poet, Nichole Minaj would say: "Doctor, doctor, need you back home in bed." Enjoy our pigs in a blanket at any time of the day, now with 100% less animal meat.

( The Doctor | Item: One Bottle of a Mystery Drug )

THE DRIFTER:
Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just really angry to see us? Sit back and enjoy our banana flavored pancakes, thick and drizzling in our special, homemade honey syrup.

( The Drifter | Weapon: Pocket Knife )

THE DRIVER:
Go and put baby in the corner, because this 5-star dish is for adult tastes only. Open wide, darling, and get a spoonful of our vegan gnocchi soup. Your tastebuds won't stop singing praises to Her Name — and neither will the screeching x'ghtyln we used as an ingredient.

( The Driver | Weapon: Sharpened car keys )

THE ENTERTAINER:
Nice, crispy potatoes fried in peanut oil and then covered in cheddar cheese. Served with bacon, sour cream, and fresh Funyuns. Really. They're fresh.

( The Entertainer | Item: Microphone stand )

THE EXPLORER:
Get lost in the delicious taste of our oven baked, cheese stuffed chicken wings. 10/10 food critics gave them a thumbs up. Or they would have, had they not lost their thumbs in a tragic chicken wing accident.

( The Explorer | Item: Map )

THE FASHIONISTA:
Walk, walk fashion, baby. Work it. Move that broccoli cheese soup into your mouth and go crazy. (Disclaimer: Innsmouth Motel and its cooking staff cannot be held responsible for any sudden partial or complete glossectomies. By consuming The Fashionista, you thereby agree to take full responsibility.)

( The Fashionista | Item: Straight razor )

THE GANGSTER:
Save the gang warfare for later. Brick oven roasted pizza with thick-cut pepperoni and mixed meats. Our dish is so deep you can practically bury a body in it.

( The Gangster | Weapon: Handgun )

THE GHOST:
A rare, highly slimming parasite. It will enter your system and empty you out until you are a shell of your former self. Guaranteed weight loss in ten minutes or less.

( The Ghost | Skill: May possess one character for 15 minutes. )

THE IDEALIST:
Ideally, our House Specialty would include ground beef instead of chopped up rat entrails. As the French would say, c'est la vie quand vous mangez à l'Innsmouth Motel.

( The Idealist | Item: Telescope )

THE JANITOR:
Fruit salad, served with nuts and a unique spoon to scoop up the very last drop of our Mystery Sauce. A healthy way to detox. One mouthful of this, and your bowels will be cleansed immediately.

( The Janitor | Item: Toilet plunger )

THE LAWBRINGER:
The taste of justice was never sweeter. Any bandits get their just desserts with our deep dish ice cream cake. Made with real Western flare and gunmetal shavings.

( The Lawbringer | Weapon: Whip )

THE MAGICIAN:
Make everything on your plate disappear with our top-shelf ribeye and steamed broccoli! Note: we are not responsible if you disappear after eating. Eat responsibly.

(The Magician | Item: Top hat )

THE MAYOR:
The best meal we have to offer - the Mayor includes garlic herb potatoes, baked chicken and a mixed fruit salad on the side. Cast your vote for deliciousness.

( The Mayor | Skill: Their vote counts for 3 unique votes. )

THE MEDIUM:
A scrumptious, creamy mashed sweet potato casserole so good, your grandmother will rise from the grave to give it a ten out of ten.

( The Medium | Skill: Can communicate with the dead. )

THE MORTICIAN:
Homemade pasta served with casu marzu and fried bee pupae. It's guaranteed to be a party in your mouth.

( The Mortician | Weapon: Scalpel )

THE OPERATOR:
Fresh from the sea - our catch of the day includes a side of biscuits and clam chowder. We are not responsible if our catch of the day is trash or litter.

( The Operator | Item: Cordless Phone )

THE PARANOID
A delicious, oven roasted turkey. Served with the juices of freshly sacrificed pop culture artists, lemon peel zest, and human flesh purée.

(The Paranoid | Skill: Automatically kills any soulless beast that visits at night. )

THE PHOTOGRAPHER:
Instead of flashing your neighbors, bare what your momma gave you with our special Knock Your Socks off spicy guacamole and cheese tortillas. Stacy from down the street has never been so relieved.

( The Photographer | Item: Instant Camera )

THE PRIVATE EYE
Imported from R'lyeh, our Empanadas do not meet custom's quality control by using questionable cooking methods... so they have been smuggled in through our black market. If you are with the FBI or CIA, please enjoy our Yuggoth original Empanadas.

( The Private Eye | Item: Tape Recorder )

THE PSYCHOLOGIST
You will hate this dish. You do not want to taste it. You do not want to shove it in your mouth over, and over, and over, and over again until you are choking to death with this tantalizing mix of flavors. This is not reverse psychology at work. We are very serious. Save yourselves.

( The Psychologist | Skill: Immune to Night Terrors. )

THE REPORTER:
A scoop of our white chicken chili adds a bit of intrigue to any meal! Is this real chicken or is this some processed mix of chicken, beef, and family pet?

( The Reporter | Skill: Automatically receives a Clue Token every Monday. )

THE ROMANTIC:
A scrumptious kale salad, served with croutons, Parmesan cheese and a light atropa belladona dressing. Perfect for fantasizing about the unattainable love life you desire while dining alone.

( The Romantic | Item: Dating Guidebook )

THE SAILOR:
A hundred packets of salt, neatly organized in a bowl and ready for consumption. Eat the salt. Devour the sodium. Embrace your true self. (Disclaimer: The Innsmouth Motel is not responsible for any health problems that arise from eating a hundred packets of salt.)

( The Sailor | Weapon: Harpoon gun )

THE SCIENTIST:
The latest creation from our lab... Now offering liquid-nitrogen frozen cold cut sandwiches. Choose between: ham, turkey, and abomination!

( The Scientist | Item: Vial of Poison )

THE SOLDIER:
Now with new and improved war flashbacks! Enjoy our superb SPAM sandwich gourmet meal with real canned cheese slices and 17 year old peaches.

(The Soldier | Item: Obsidian Statue )

THE SPY:
I spy with my little eye, our purely ethical roasted olive salad. If you find an eye in your salad, please contact your waiter and we will provide more.

( The Spy | Weapon: Piano Wire )

THE STUDENT:
Learning from the best, our junior cook has prepared these golden crispy chicken tenders with ripe sweet southern mac n cheese. Please ignore the Kid Cuisine Box in the nearest trash can.

( The Student | Item: Notebook )

THE TEACHER:
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but what about apple pies? Golden, flaky crust partnered with Granny Smith apples and sweet cinnamon drizzle... Note: we are not responsible for increased sickness due to irradiated apples. Please contact your physician.

( The Teacher | Skill: Can protect or risk one person's GPA each week. )

THE TECHNICIAN:
Is your life support plugged in? Practice your exhausted minimum wage employee voice with our extra salty grits. Guaranteed to drive you up the wall ten out of ten times.

( The Technician | Item: Screwdriver )

THE WOODSMAN:
We've chopped down the price of one of our favorite dishes — thick cut bacon on sirloin steak. The woodsman is the MANLIEST of meals. If you can complete this 16oz steak in under 30 minutes, your soul may be saved.

( The Woodsman | Weapon: Axe )

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